Life brings us many things including unexpected waves that wash up on our shores. Sometimes good, at other times they are instructive to our growth, painful though they may be.
I am not usually one to write about my personal experiences on the Internet, preferring privacy, but this time I feel it is important to share one experience as it may be helpful for you to know that you are not alone in your suffering. Let me begin by telling you that I love dogs and always have! Last summer I was attacked by a German Shepherd that was deemed safe and friendly by it's owner...but nope...not really. I was shocked at the time, was seen by ER, stitches, bruising etc, and yes, it still hurts a bit. I had been bitten before as a gentle reminder, but this surprise attack was a new experience. Later found out that the dog had previously bit a child but not seriously and the owner obviously had not followed the muzzle law in public, a policy for dangerous dogs. It wasn't until weeks later that I started experiencing night sweats, inexplicable feelings of frustration and anger, digestive upset, that I initially put off to moving which probably contributed. For a while I thought Peri menopause had returned with a vengeance! Things were too muddy to see the real reason. Slowly I started putting it all together, noticing that I was really startled by large dogs barking (we have one of those) and it took me a while to find calm after such episodes. Then if I couldn't get a way (flight response) I got angry (fight response). So it was determined that I have mild PTSD from this experience.
A difficult thing about PTSD is that you can be triggered out of the blue. I have absolutely no control of dogs that bark suddenly from a neighbouring car or jump up to greet me for a lick, which happened recently. The dog made no contact but it was big and just the act of jumping up was enough to cause me to go into protective mode. It wasn't until two days later that the symptoms appeared as sweating and poor digestion as my solar plexus tightened to protect my organs. Luckily it didn't take me so long this time to figure it out.
Perhaps you have never been effected by events in such a way and if that's the case, you are lucky. Many people do and they practise avoidance as a coping strategy. I thought of that, but I can't avoid dogs unless I lock myself in a room and never come out. It is an odd thing that one incident for one person could have no effect, but for another be a game changer. As this picture demonstrates well.
Inserting Dog Cartoon to lighten the mood....
10 Things that Help me Right Now
Here is a list of things I have done to find the deep calm of my inner ocean when I feel triggered and feel anxious, frustrated and angry. I am not a medical professional, get help if you feel you need it.
1. When I have an anxious thought I identify the associated emotion with it in my mind. It might the word frozen, or startled, or fear, or anger. What ever it is I take note of it and usually that keeps it from escalating into some sort of spiralling story in my head usually related to self criticism. As in.... I should have not gotten near that dog....the old self blame....you get the picture. By noticing the emotions I take the charge out of the story. I also ask if the thought is true or real? Usually it's not, it's just a thought loop. I make a point of feeling the contact of my body with a solid object, chair, ground etc.
2. I tangle....a lot....it really helps me access that deep calm inside of me which is inside each an every one of us. I practise SoulCollage which helps to bring forth my underlying emotions and put things into pictures, then words and a new perspective..
3. I meditate....I like to listen to Tara Brach meditations, though it has a Buddist lean, she includes other beliefs and I am just fine with that and what she says makes sense to me. She also has great longer talks too that are part of my Sunday morning tangling ritual. Her voice is gentle and soothing but not too saccharin and her jokes are good too!
https://www.tarabrach.com/talks-audio-video/
4. I do yoga, qigong and Feldenkrais. I attend classes in these when ever I can. We are very lucky in Lumby in that we have a Feldenkrais Practitioner (which works on the nervous system through gentle movements) in Lumby! As a bonus..Since I have been doing this my low back feels wonderful!
https://www.facebook.com/Health-in-Motion-Carie-Bicchieri-657180597652219/
5. I get extra help when it first started I was helped by my Naturopath. I get unstuck through acupuncture and osteopathy and that helps clear my mind and put things into proper perspective by freeing up the stuck bits that are holding protection in my body.
6. I have a loving and supportive husband who knows me after decades of togetherness, probably the most. He teases me about all I do to keep balanced, but I know he understands how important it is too.
7. I take walks in nature....I can not stress how important this is for my mind, body and spirit. I especially love walking by a lake on a windy day as it seems to blow the gunk from my brain and refresh my soul.
8. I call my Mom. Turns out that even at my age hearing a parents voice releases all those good calming brain chemicals to make us feel safe. She is 91 and I am so glad that she is still around to call. I also talk to my Dad who left us a few years ago....he is an excellent listener who stays silent. At his memorial, a eagle flew close over our heads when we were singing and now I think of him every time I see an eagle. It reminds me that he is still close and is my cue for our private conversations.
9. I try to remember to let go and not control things as it is ALL out of my control. I started off avoiding all encounters with big dogs. Then for a while I thought about carrying extra leashes for off leash dogs we encountered on our walks with our dog, then I realised that I was just trying to control the uncontrollable to make me feel safer.
10. TIME. I tend to identify, find a fix and get it done and dusted! These mental hiccups don't respond to fast, at least for me they don't. I have to remind myself when I am triggered and I take a couple of steps backward; "that these things take the time they take" (a maddening quote from my wise husband). I am learning to give myself the gift of time to not really heal exactly, but to accept where I am and to understand it's not about going back to where I was, but a moving forward to a new place with new knowledge and understanding.
In short....it's all learning in the BIG SCHOOL OF LIFE and I am grateful for it.
PS: I had a real good sweating session while I wrote this and proof read it and noticed an improvement and felt lighter as I read the steps I had taken to help myself. So this personal experience sharing on the net thing might be more cathartic and beneficial than I thought....who knew?
If you would like to join my ZenGemStems Class in April, please check out my Classes link! My heartfelt thanks for taking the time to read, and I sincerely hope that it helps you on your journey.
Epilogue
Since writing this I had an interesting doggy encounter. I was driving home from Vernon and saw a big Weimariner dog in a cow pasture near the highway but not near any houses and no people about. I thought it odd and kept driving. I asked myself should I turn around? And my inner voice shouted YES! So I did and didn't see it but on my way back there he was running along the opposite ditch on the highway looking panicky . I pulled over across the highway from him. As soon as I got out of the car he ran to me. Luckily there were no cars. There was a scary moment for me as he neared me but he licked my hand and we were instant friends. I put home in the back of the car where he gratefully licked my face and I called the number on his tag that said his name was Scout. (I had a pony named Scout that I fell from the first time I rode him...but I got back on! He was also an adventurous escape artist) So the connection was made. The owners appeared and took Scout home. May he live a long life.
They say it takes 5 positive encounters to help eleviate the effects of a traumatic experience....thanks Scout....you helped me more than you will ever know....or perhaps you do.
